What’s in a title? Provocative words derivative and tangible to the content of what an author has to say? Perhaps the greatest of all synopsis lies solely in a title? The culmination of words reduced to their simplest form. Now, for this title, we shall delve deep into the externalities of an American Invasion into Cuba!
“Night gathers, and now my watch begins.” The famous oath of The Night’s Watch from the popular HBO series Game of Thrones. I too took a sacred oath. Which leads us to reason one!
Reason 1: An unbreakable Oath
The first reason I couldn’t have sex in Cuba has some geographical or delineation ambiguous caveats. Upon boarding our Southwest Airlines flight from Fort Lauderdale, Florida to Havana, Cuba I was charged with finding a suitable seat. I walked the aisle with the consideration and scrutiny of so many purveyors of privacy that came before me. Where shall I sit? When suddenly I was asked by a flight attendant if I spoke English? “Sí”, was my only reply. Having never known that speaking English and being fifteen years old was a requirement to sit, I was overqualified. A promise to be the hero my fellow passengers would need, but would not deserve, would be the price I would have to pay. Having taken my oath to save all souls on board, I turned to my inamorata herein referred to as “Lindsie”. “Please raise one hand and place the other on the informative emergency action pamphlet.” Repeating the pledge, we were both sworn in.
The fifty-nine-minute flight would be one of temptation. After reaching our cruising altitude the “fasten seatbelt sign” was turned off. Other passengers were free to move about the cabin, I could not quit my post until properly relieved. Then, like Adam in the garden, I too was tested. “I wouldn’t mind joining the Mile High Club” Lindsie let slip. This bewildered me. How could a fellow keeper of souls think this would be acceptable behavior? While, at the same time, my own animalistic needs yearned to be set free. The classic fork in the road situation. Alas, I took the path less traveled. Dereliction of duty is punishable by death, I remained steadfast, I remained a hero. “Soy Tu hero” was my reply to her.
Reason 2: Olga Lidia
Landing in Havana, Cuba while speaking virtually no Spanish made navigating customs a bit of a challenge, I didn’t waver though. As a white American man, I strutted around lost and unapologetic, akin to my countrymen. Being American means never having to say you’re sorry, the Cuban people are well aware of this fact. Luggage was retrieved, Euros were exchanged for CUCs(The Cuban Peso for tourist), we headed out of the airport. Olga stood in a line of brown faces, holding a white sign adorned with one word, “Tim”. Pleasantries were recognized and we made our way through the crowd to the awaiting taxi. Our Driver would be Yualme Fuentes(I highly recommend using Yualme if you need a taxi from Havana to Viñales) we would be leaving Havana immediately and heading to Viñales, Cuba.
The drive was a rainy, protracted, mostly straight shot from Havana to Pinar del Rio. The roads became lake like from the rain, filling the ever-present potholes(very similar to driving on the shitty Oklahoma roads) causing the car to hit as much turbulence as the flight. From Pinar del Rio the road turns North to Viñales, jutting wildly through mango farms and whipping around car-sickness inducing curves. Entering Viñales the rain began to subside and clear skies would see us all the way to Olga Lidia’s residence. https://www.airbnb.com/users/show/169548492 – Olga’s Airbnb Page
Arriving at Olga’s in the evening, and being tired from our travels, we decided to have her cook. For a paltry sum, Olga served up a feast that could have fed any ravenous family of six. Yet, we were but a humble party of two. Plates of fresh tropical fruits varied as much by color as taste. Three different types of rice, vibrant vegetables, hearty servings of mouth-watering chicken, all covered the table. After the indulgence of dinners at Olga’s, movement was kept to a minimum. Docile as we were after days full of adventuring, the lust of the loins would subside, and the lust of sleep would conquer all. Olga’s grand nightly feast would for the rest of our stay in Viñales, keep me from my lover’s sweet embrace.
Reason 3: Horses on the God Damn Old Town Road
The first day in Viñales, after awakening from our food-induced coma, Olga informed us we would be riding horses while touring a tobacco farm. A cab arrived and chauffeured us to meet Luis, our guide for the tour. Luis was a tall, slender built, tan skinned Cuban. He wore a light-colored sombrero, dull yellow and brown striped buttoned long sleeve shirt he had tucked into denim blue jeans. The outfit was completed by dark cowboy boots, a long knife that hung from his hip in a leather sheath, and a foreboding smarmy smile.
Two horses were tied off to a fence post, saddled and waiting patiently. My horse was black in color and aptly named “Negrito”. Negrito was a skinny horse, who would receive constant attention from Luis’s whip, as he tired from carrying me along the tour. I mounted Negrito and trotted along the trail, Luis and Lindsie falling in behind us. First, we would stop and see how tobacco was grown, dried, and then hand rolled. Part of this learning took place at a table in a bar. A bar where I would consume too much rum, and for the duration of the ride proclaim that I was, “The Great Conqueror.”
The tour would take us along the countryside of Viñales. Up and down the steep muddy trails, and across a few deep water crossings. The whole time surrounded by a beautiful tropical backdrop. Negrito and I would blaze the trail, always ahead of Lindsie and Luis. Later I would learn from Lindsie that Luis was serenading her the whole time, calling her “Lady”, and telling her to stay back from my horse. An attempted cuckolding! This explained why I spent most of my time alone and far ahead of the others.
The ride had ended and we found ourselves in a cab back to Olga’s. In the backseat, I gave Lindsie a loving embrace, the intention of which she knew well. She looked at me sweetly and said, ” I already took one pounding today, I can’t take another”. I smiled back, thinking I too was sore from the hours in the saddle, when for some reason Luis’s smiling face appeared in my thoughts.
Viñales is a very beautiful and tranquil place. If you are going to travel to Cuba be sure to allow for an adequate amount of time there.
Part 1 of the adventure has ended. But the tale will continue! Come back for part 2. Which will be set in Havana!
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